Wednesday, 23 February 2011

I am right to be mad?

So I have a problem, ANOTHER problem. Apparantly I have some issue with my ex-boyfriends. (Plural, damn.)
What they do AFTER we break up is apparantly something that easily can piss me off. I've been texting with Pred for a while now and everytime he meantions his "girlfriends" (not ACTUAL girlfriend just a friend who is female) I kinda get annoyed, but not when we write about him having sex with his fuck buddy, which is a good thing. I'm working on it and its getting better, here the other day Pred and I actually discussed my crush on Nicklas. MORE ABOUT THAT LATER!!!

I have this friends called Louise, she moved and got new friends, starting partying and seeing guys, GOOD FOR HER! The "problem" is just that she's kinda hot and kind of a skank at parties and I don't care about her hooking up with guys, just not my ex(es). Unfortunately my ex Froob has laid his eyes upon her and he's pretty crazy about her, they tease eachother in that YOU KNOW THAT THERE'S SOMETHING THERE way and text together etc. He calls her "baby", "hottie" and so on. She doesn't ACTUALLY call him that back but she doesn't tell him to stop or anything else. THIS BOTHERS ME... A LOT!! But I don't feel like I can be mad at him since we've broken up, but her.. I confronted her and she gave me the whole "nothing is going on, we're just friends, you have to trust me" and I replied that I'd trust her but that she should beware that she's on thin ice. I considered writing him a text, mail or something saying "if you try to make a move on any of my girlfriends I'll break your neck", but I don't think I can do that.. That would make me the crazy ex, God I'm so angry! I'll just do the only right thing, do nothing and trust her.

1st: I got an A on my spanish assignment! yaaaaay :D
2nd: The other day I was in my bed watching Bones under my covers, I could then hear someone trying to sneak in my door so I paused the show. Then Nicklas popped up and I asked him if he wanted to join me, he said yes and JUST before I sat up, he lied down really close to me, all pressed up against me with his head on my boob, between my boobs and on my chest (changeing positions). I cuddled his neck and his hair during those 40 minuets of Bones. It was so fantastic I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the smell of him. ONE thing that bothers me THOUGH is that something sweet and romantic between him and me ALWAYS happens right after I've given up on him. I'm so confused I don't know what to do now! The weirdest thing afterwards was actually whining about it to Pred, he was really sweet and tried to comfort and advice me. Odd!
3rd: I AM GOING TO LONDOOOOOOOON ON SATURDAAAAAY! My ex-roomie Lennie was going to go there with a friend but they got into an argument so Lennie tried to apologize but her friend just insulted her Lennie's mother and dog so then Lennie asked if I wanted to go instead. OF COURSE I SAID YES! We've been looking forward to go there together for AGES AND AGES, talked about it for HOURS AND HOURS and now it's finally happening! Besides, it's a free trip for me, plane paid, her dad lives there so he pays for food and lodging. It's going to be so great! :D

See ya later folks, love Elk.

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Text with the ex

I have a secret to tell. I started texting with my ex boyfriend Niclas again,
from now on lets call him Pred to avoid confusion. At first he didn't like the
idea of talking with again, at all. But I guess 2 years of not seeing eachother
and talking together softened him up a bit because after a bit of persuading and
argumentaion he agreed to start talking. We've talked for about 1½ weeks now and
it's going really well! We talk from morning to night with about 30 minuets to
1½ hours between each text. We talk about everyday life, friends, dates, sex and
everything and nothing, it's so reliveing. It's nice but I still feel that
there's some kind of internal cold war between us, comparing how far in our
lives we come, what kind of sexual experience we have etc. He has the power over
the conversation it's easy for me to see and I decided to give it to him, if I
hadn't completely given it to him it would just be a fight over the power, and
frankly I think he earns it. I decided to be honest with him by all means, even
if it means I have to declare that he's defeated me. I know, it sounds really
tense and it is, writing with an ex boyfriend isn't easy, but I like it. I can
be honest with him and he'll listen to me, not try to change my mind on
something or try to make me think about something else, we'll just talk about

Yesterday something changed with Pred and I. We were texting and he had the
power and then all of a sudden he gave me power and we were back with the happy
days, we were equal and we talked about the good old days. No bringing in
unhapy memories or new lovers or anything. Just him and me talking about good
old days we had, and we were both happy. I turn very very happy whenever I
recieve a text from him and my friends have started to wonder. I haven't told
them, I've only told Marie and Oz my roomie. And then Nicklas knows as well (not
my ex, the huy whose my friend and I kind of have a crush on), kind of. I just
recieved a text from Pred and the Nicklas took my cell but I got it back so
quickly he only read "Nic". Nicklas and Oz haven't mentioned it, which is really
nice, of course Nicklas doesn't even know enough to ask but Oz does. (It rhymes
:D). I think telling Marie was kind of a mistake, I don't want her to think that
anything is going to happen between us because I don't know if there is. Also I
don't want my other friends to know, is that weird? I'll tell them when I'm

Baaaah I better get dressed and take a walk. I'm going to Corinne's place this afternoon and Marie will also come. I'm excited, I've never been there before. Bye bye :D - Elk

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Always someone better

There's something wrong with me. I haven't had good start to the year at all.
Last year I was so optimistic and I felt so happy, more happy than ever. But
this year I haven't felt good at all, I haven't happy or lucky or anything like
that. On the opposite I've felt down, depressed and angry. I have this problem,
I become jealous very easily on my boyfriends friends and just my friends or
other people in general. I found out that several of my friends enjoy writing as
much as I do. (Short stories etc) I became very jealous at first, but then I saw
the beauty of it. We could share. Then one of my friends went to writers school
for a week, and now she also had a tiny text published in a local newspaper. This kind of pissed me off because everyone around me were all like "OOH MY
AN AWESOME WRITER" bla bla etc. My roommate apparantly has been to a writing
course this weekend meeting several writers including one who I reviwed a book
from. As an extra patch to the wound was that she JUST had to say "yeah she
remembered you". THANK YOU! Wipe it in my fucking nose, "I had an awesome time
without you and me and a toatlly awesome writer talked about you when you
weren't there when we had awesome time". JESUS! I just hate that everything I
love there's always someone else who loves it as well and who has to show that
they love it more than me and that they're better than me and that's also why I
just stop telling them what I love. I love painting, apparantly my roomie is
REALLY fucking good at painting and drawing and consideres art school. I love
photographing APPARANTLY a billion other people with their big fucking stupid
expensive cameras love that as well and they're SOOOO good at it I can just fuck
the hell home. I love riding my bike but APPARANTLY one third of my family are
toatlly crazy bike-riders who goes to France every year and sees the Tour de
France and ride the hills when the riders have ridden the hill. I love writing
WELL!!!! I love playing the sims as well but apparantly my friend Nicklas is
much better at that than me, on my own computer in my own room. No matter what,
there's just always someone who's better than me. It just bothers me.. A lot..
Soon someone might just sneak up behind me, read my blog and be all like "yeah I
have a much more interesting blog than you". Oh no wait, THAT ALREADY FUCKING

- Elk

Friday, 4 February 2011

Boys and their jackets

Yummy! How I love boys and their jackets! When I was in love with Froob I'd tease him by taking his sweater and running around with it. I loved the way it smelled like him and I felt like he was around me and hugged me all the time. Today we had shows in drama, I was to be man so I borrowed Nicklas' jacket. I'm tellin' ya! I wore that jacket all day and I loved it. It smelled so much like him and it's biig and cuddly. Jesus I could just marry that jacket. Anyway, about the sweater I took from Froob, he got so used to that I had it he'd even let me take it home. It was mine for weeks and weeks. My mother (of all people???) got tired of it and bought me the same shirt. That was no fun! The whole deal was that it was his and I had it. :(
Wow I'm really tired, we had performances today in school which makes the end of our drama-project week. I'm so relived that it's over and we're going back to "normal" school which unfortunately also means a lot of new assigments to turn in. I'm going to my friends birthday this weekend so today I'll stay at school and sleep and play sims with Nicklas and on saturday I'll take the bus out to my friends and have a partyyy :) I'm looking SO much forward to seeing the girls, talk, chill and gossip. YUMMY! I only have one problem, what on earth will I get for her??? I so much want to get her something personal but, whaaaaat? :s
I'm sitting in the TV room wight now, I really like watching TV down here, I do it like once every second month or less, I know it sounds extreme and it is because at home I watch TV for something that looks like 24 hours a day, that's also why I love watching it down her, it makes it more speciel and cosy. Moving in at a boarding school can really change your life, how I love it! Well, I'm gonna slide now. BYYYE!

- Elk