Monday, 27 December 2010

All alone

Some might have known, some might have not but I have had a boyfriend for almost 2 years. A couple of days ago, I broke up with him and I have today officially been single for ten days.
When I broke up I didn't cry, and I wasn't really sad. Nor was I relived, to be honest I didn't feel a great deal. Now, I don't know if I'm sad or not. I guess I should feel free. It feels really odd when I tell myself "single". I'm single, that's so odd! I've never really been single. Well of course I've been single, but from I was 13 and until now I've actually not really been single. I had a boyfriend for almost a year and then when we broke up I had another boyfriend the day after and I've had him for until 10 days ago. That's not much single time.

So now I can't figure out whether I'm sad or not. When I think abou being SINGLE like that it feels like a really heavy burden. But then I think about how I am as a person, I'm very independent and I know how to deal with life on my own, I've never felt like I could just load off my burdens on someone else's shoulders so, is it really so different? The break up with my 1st boyfriend was really incredibly hard because we shared everything. We were like one person and we practically lived together, it changed my entire world when we broke up and I felt like I had lost a bit of myself when we broke up. Only a few weeks into my new relationship, I actually regretted breaking up with my old boyfriend. Not that I didn't love my new boyfriend, I just wasn't ready.

I'm very weird when it comes to something I own or have. For instanse I always keep my clothes way to long than I should so it gets full of holes and so on. I have a chair in my room that's 1/2 parts duct tape because I just can't throw it out, I keep nail polishes and mascaras that are way overdue and good for nothing. And like with that, I stayed in a relationship that I just wasn't made to be in for way too long.

Now I just don't really know how to act. How to be single, hehe. :) I know it sounds terribly ironic but - it's the truth. Should I dress up fancy everyday and act all flirty or should I barricade under a manly attitude and make the men come to me? Should I just not care and do whatever I feel in the moment? Until I figure that out, I'll just be me. Alone, I guess I just don't feel so alone. I have great friends, in Italy, Denmark, England and so on. I feel.. ?

- Elk
P.s. check out my new blog, it's a The Sims 3 legacy challenge blog if your into all that jazz :)

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