I am right to be mad?

So I have a problem, ANOTHER problem. Apparantly I have some issue with my ex-boyfriends. (Plural, damn.)
What they do AFTER we break up is apparantly something that easily can piss me off. I've been texting with Pred for a while now and everytime he meantions his "girlfriends" (not ACTUAL girlfriend just a friend who is female) I kinda get annoyed, but not when we write about him having sex with his fuck buddy, which is a good thing. I'm working on it and its getting better, here the other day Pred and I actually discussed my crush on Nicklas. MORE ABOUT THAT LATER!!!

I have this friends called Louise, she moved and got new friends, starting partying and seeing guys, GOOD FOR HER! The "problem" is just that she's kinda hot and kind of a skank at parties and I don't care about her hooking up with guys, just not my ex(es). Unfortunately my ex Froob has laid his eyes upon her and he's pretty crazy about her, they tease eachother in that YOU KNOW THAT THERE'S SOMETHING THERE way and text together etc. He calls her "baby", "hottie" and so on. She doesn't ACTUALLY call him that back but she doesn't tell him to stop or anything else. THIS BOTHERS ME... A LOT!! But I don't feel like I can be mad at him since we've broken up, but her.. I confronted her and she gave me the whole "nothing is going on, we're just friends, you have to trust me" and I replied that I'd trust her but that she should beware that she's on thin ice. I considered writing him a text, mail or something saying "if you try to make a move on any of my girlfriends I'll break your neck", but I don't think I can do that.. That would make me the crazy ex, God I'm so angry! I'll just do the only right thing, do nothing and trust her.

I ALSO HAVE VERY HAPPY NEWS! :D
1st: I got an A on my spanish assignment! yaaaaay :D
2nd: The other day I was in my bed watching Bones under my covers, I could then hear someone trying to sneak in my door so I paused the show. Then Nicklas popped up and I asked him if he wanted to join me, he said yes and JUST before I sat up, he lied down really close to me, all pressed up against me with his head on my boob, between my boobs and on my chest (changeing positions). I cuddled his neck and his hair during those 40 minuets of Bones. It was so fantastic I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the smell of him. ONE thing that bothers me THOUGH is that something sweet and romantic between him and me ALWAYS happens right after I've given up on him. I'm so confused I don't know what to do now! The weirdest thing afterwards was actually whining about it to Pred, he was really sweet and tried to comfort and advice me. Odd!
3rd: I AM GOING TO LONDOOOOOOOON ON SATURDAAAAAY! My ex-roomie Lennie was going to go there with a friend but they got into an argument so Lennie tried to apologize but her friend just insulted her Lennie's mother and dog so then Lennie asked if I wanted to go instead. OF COURSE I SAID YES! We've been looking forward to go there together for AGES AND AGES, talked about it for HOURS AND HOURS and now it's finally happening! Besides, it's a free trip for me, plane paid, her dad lives there so he pays for food and lodging. It's going to be so great! :D

See ya later folks, love Elk.

Text with the ex

I have a secret to tell. I started texting with my ex boyfriend Niclas again,
from now on lets call him Pred to avoid confusion. At first he didn't like the
idea of talking with again, at all. But I guess 2 years of not seeing eachother
and talking together softened him up a bit because after a bit of persuading and
argumentaion he agreed to start talking. We've talked for about 1½ weeks now and
it's going really well! We talk from morning to night with about 30 minuets to
1½ hours between each text. We talk about everyday life, friends, dates, sex and
everything and nothing, it's so reliveing. It's nice but I still feel that
there's some kind of internal cold war between us, comparing how far in our
lives we come, what kind of sexual experience we have etc. He has the power over
the conversation it's easy for me to see and I decided to give it to him, if I
hadn't completely given it to him it would just be a fight over the power, and
frankly I think he earns it. I decided to be honest with him by all means, even
if it means I have to declare that he's defeated me. I know, it sounds really
tense and it is, writing with an ex boyfriend isn't easy, but I like it. I can
be honest with him and he'll listen to me, not try to change my mind on
something or try to make me think about something else, we'll just talk about
it.

Yesterday something changed with Pred and I. We were texting and he had the
power and then all of a sudden he gave me power and we were back with the happy
days, we were equal and we talked about the good old days. No bringing in
unhapy memories or new lovers or anything. Just him and me talking about good
old days we had, and we were both happy. I turn very very happy whenever I
recieve a text from him and my friends have started to wonder. I haven't told
them, I've only told Marie and Oz my roomie. And then Nicklas knows as well (not
my ex, the huy whose my friend and I kind of have a crush on), kind of. I just
recieved a text from Pred and the Nicklas took my cell but I got it back so
quickly he only read "Nic". Nicklas and Oz haven't mentioned it, which is really
nice, of course Nicklas doesn't even know enough to ask but Oz does. (It rhymes
:D). I think telling Marie was kind of a mistake, I don't want her to think that
anything is going to happen between us because I don't know if there is. Also I
don't want my other friends to know, is that weird? I'll tell them when I'm
ready.

Baaaah I better get dressed and take a walk. I'm going to Corinne's place this afternoon and Marie will also come. I'm excited, I've never been there before. Bye bye :D - Elk

Always someone better

There's something wrong with me. I haven't had good start to the year at all.
Last year I was so optimistic and I felt so happy, more happy than ever. But
this year I haven't felt good at all, I haven't happy or lucky or anything like
that. On the opposite I've felt down, depressed and angry. I have this problem,
I become jealous very easily on my boyfriends friends and just my friends or
other people in general. I found out that several of my friends enjoy writing as
much as I do. (Short stories etc) I became very jealous at first, but then I saw
the beauty of it. We could share. Then one of my friends went to writers school
for a week, and now she also had a tiny text published in a local newspaper. This kind of pissed me off because everyone around me were all like "OOH MY
GOOOOD THAT IS SO GOOD AND CRAZY AND YOU'RE SO AMAZING AND SOOO MUCH GOING TO BE
AN AWESOME WRITER" bla bla etc. My roommate apparantly has been to a writing
course this weekend meeting several writers including one who I reviwed a book
from. As an extra patch to the wound was that she JUST had to say "yeah she
remembered you". THANK YOU! Wipe it in my fucking nose, "I had an awesome time
without you and me and a toatlly awesome writer talked about you when you
weren't there when we had awesome time". JESUS! I just hate that everything I
love there's always someone else who loves it as well and who has to show that
they love it more than me and that they're better than me and that's also why I
just stop telling them what I love. I love painting, apparantly my roomie is
REALLY fucking good at painting and drawing and consideres art school. I love
photographing APPARANTLY a billion other people with their big fucking stupid
expensive cameras love that as well and they're SOOOO good at it I can just fuck
the hell home. I love riding my bike but APPARANTLY one third of my family are
toatlly crazy bike-riders who goes to France every year and sees the Tour de
France and ride the hills when the riders have ridden the hill. I love writing
and APPARANTLY ALL MY FUCKING OTHER FRIENDS ARE REALLY FUCKIGN GOOD AT THAT AS
WELL!!!! I love playing the sims as well but apparantly my friend Nicklas is
much better at that than me, on my own computer in my own room. No matter what,
there's just always someone who's better than me. It just bothers me.. A lot..
Soon someone might just sneak up behind me, read my blog and be all like "yeah I
have a much more interesting blog than you". Oh no wait, THAT ALREADY FUCKING
HAPPENED!!

- Elk

Boys and their jackets

Yummy! How I love boys and their jackets! When I was in love with Froob I'd tease him by taking his sweater and running around with it. I loved the way it smelled like him and I felt like he was around me and hugged me all the time. Today we had shows in drama, I was to be man so I borrowed Nicklas' jacket. I'm tellin' ya! I wore that jacket all day and I loved it. It smelled so much like him and it's biig and cuddly. Jesus I could just marry that jacket. Anyway, about the sweater I took from Froob, he got so used to that I had it he'd even let me take it home. It was mine for weeks and weeks. My mother (of all people???) got tired of it and bought me the same shirt. That was no fun! The whole deal was that it was his and I had it. :(
Wow I'm really tired, we had performances today in school which makes the end of our drama-project week. I'm so relived that it's over and we're going back to "normal" school which unfortunately also means a lot of new assigments to turn in. I'm going to my friends birthday this weekend so today I'll stay at school and sleep and play sims with Nicklas and on saturday I'll take the bus out to my friends and have a partyyy :) I'm looking SO much forward to seeing the girls, talk, chill and gossip. YUMMY! I only have one problem, what on earth will I get for her??? I so much want to get her something personal but, whaaaaat? :s
I'm sitting in the TV room wight now, I really like watching TV down here, I do it like once every second month or less, I know it sounds extreme and it is because at home I watch TV for something that looks like 24 hours a day, that's also why I love watching it down her, it makes it more speciel and cosy. Moving in at a boarding school can really change your life, how I love it! Well, I'm gonna slide now. BYYYE!

- Elk

Never winning

I have a couple of topics I want to discuss today. 1st is the "you have too much sparetime", a comment I apparantly have earned a lot these days since I get it a lot. I get it from my roomie who most ofently drops it when I'm doing my nails. (I'm crazily into nailart and spend a lot of timI e on it) Not that it bothers me a lot but it stiiiiil kind of does. I don't actually know if it's an insulting or just a joke. Obviously the 1st she said it is was funny and all but since she's said it other times as well I'm kind of thinking that it isn't a joke. I've tried to explain her how I prioritize my time but I don't know, she's just always really busy and I hate being that so I take time off to relax aaaaand I'm just really lazy at nature as well.

Another thing I want to discuss is boys, especially boys after break-ups. Why is it that very often when a guys is heartbroken and shit after a break up they have this weird theory that either they'll find another girl really quickly to "cure" them of their broken heart or they'll go into celibacy? I just find that really strange, why can't they just deal with the problem like all other normal GIIIIRLS, be heartbroken and then get over it? Sometimes guys have such weird relationships with girls. For instanse when they have a really good friend who's a girl and maybe even call her they're "twin" it always bothers me like hell! I don't know if I should hate that girl or not. (When I'm dating the guy of course) My 1st boyfriend Nicklas had this really good friend called Rebecca (ugh) who I hated and still do! They're were all like twiiiins and sister and brother and all that crap, it really bothered me! And she was SO on the limit (and so was he), she send pictures of herself wearing really short skirts and her long brown legs.. (bitch), she also send a kind of naked picture, she claims that it wasn't for him and that one of her friends had sent it when she was drunk. I still hated her, and still do. Even though I'm not with that guy anymore I still do not forget stupid girls, places and stuff, but neither do I forget the good things.

About Nicklas. I think I'll to give up, not kidding. My feelings are starting to get tepid. I'm not so sure, I also feel like he has a lot of feelings he's hiding, and the never been in love thing? It's just hard. I have the feeling I'm never going to win with him. But jesus I love that guy, he's amazing. But he might just be as amazing as a friend. (He actually just told me that he prefers to be single because he ignores the girl when they become a couple, he has some inner issues that boy)
I'm kinda getting desperate, I think set my mind on something (Nicklas, kissing etc.) and not getting kind of makes me crazy. The other day I was lying in my bed, thinking about the times when I had a boyfriend. I actually really like being in a relationship, I'm the relationship kind of girl I think. I like getting good memories, having someone to write with and just knowing that I have someone to depend on. Oh how I miss a boyfriend. Anyways, I'll slide, xoxo Elk

Party report

Hia, so the party is oveeer. It ended Saturday, but for me it ended Friday. Here's the party report, but before the actual report, here's the attendants:
Astrid, Line, Sahra, Benedickte = beeest friends :)
Louise = one of best friends but has changed alot and I don't like being around her when she's drunk.
Johan, BT, Jonathan, Thomas, Simon = random friends.
Niclas = ex boyrfriend 1
Froob = ex boyfriend 2
Kasper = host of the party

I picked up my friend Louise at the station, when we arrived at the party of course it was the exactly same time as Froob arrived. One thing is seeing you ex for the first time after you've broken up, another is seeing his parents. Urgh, awkward! My other friends haven't arrived yet and things are so awkward at the start of a party (for me at least), I like to just get a drink and then people start to relax more. Anyway, after the tense start it was really cosy! As usual, Louise finds some boy to throw herself at (this time Jonathan), I just loved seeing the girls again and chit chatting, dancing to awesome beats and haning out with my best friends! It was really quite touchy and overwhelming to have old friends (Johan and BT) come up to you and be like "it's so good to se you, I've really missed you! I really, REALLY have". Froob had turned out to be really gangstaaa, no hair on his head, a cap and really REALLY baggy pants. When I saw him, I was really really happy I had broken up because UGH! My friends also say that he'd turned really stupid. Seeing Niclas was weird, I know I had planned on scoring him, but I didn't really try actually, I was well satisfied with just having a great time with friends. One guy I could have scored though was Kasper. Kasper is a really nice and adorable friend who loves to hug me. I love to hug him as well :) when we go drunk at these parties everyone just loves eachother and kisses on the cheeks drops like water on a rainy day. Apparantly Kasper got a little TOO drunk and a little TOO lovey and tried to kiss my ear and neck. Also I found out that he'd been grabbing my ass all night, which I didn't realize 'cause I was drunk as well. But the kissing me on neck and ear, that was just wrooong! Poor fellow, he was actually so drunk that he made coffee in an empty chips bag with cold water. He drank it as well, gross! He missed over half the party 'cause he was so drunk he fell asleep. Froob had his own fun trying to.. Wel to be honest, I have no idea was he was trying to do, but he had also been grabbing several of my friends' asses and told Astrid (who's only 13) that she was next. He also tried to flirt really hard with Louise. BT asked me if it didn't bother me, and to be honest it really didn't. I just didn't think he could sink so deep, really really not good style of him. Later on the evening I started to get bad vibes. I always hate waking up the next morning at those parties, so I fled home to Sahra (who had ALL my friends sleeping over as well, minus Louise) where we watched a movie and slept over when the party had died out.

I realized how much I really like Nicklas, and you can't just expect something to happen or try to rush it. I think it's going to be a really tough week in school next week, we also have alot of assigments to turn in and so on. I'm so tired, I desperately need a bath and my neck is all stiff. Parties uses alot of my resources and I miss Nicklas. I just want to go back to school and hang out with hiiiim. Oh well. BYYYYYYYYYYE :D - Elk

Freedom of speech

He's never been in lover. Never, EVER. Who am I talking about? Nicklas ofc (of course). That might explain a whole lot. I feel fine about it really, I'm more relaxed now because I don't expect him to fall madly in love now, 'cause he never has. Actually it kind of relives me.

I haven't been eating as much for the past couple of days and tonight I ate a normal portion and my stomach hurts really bad 'cause I'm not used to it xD
Anyway, what I actually want to talk about today is loyalty. I've always been a very loyal person, to friends, boyfriends, family etc but there are just some times where you really REALLY feel like you need to be extra loyal! For instanse, one of my friends is getting an abortion and when she found out she asked me to go with her (in the biting cold) when I was laaaaazy and buy alcohol (which isn't allowed on school premises) and even though I was doing something else, OF COURSE I went! She needed me. And don't say everybody would do that, 'cause she asked another friend of hers that was fully aware of the situation who said no. I have another friend who something awful happened to last night and I told her, no matter what she could come to me, she could count on me to sleep on the floor so that she could get my bed. I think that it's in the really hard times you know your friends. I think it's important to be loyal. Next to love, loyalty and trust are the most important things in life, but loyalty and trust is also some of the biggest parts of love.

I'm so nervous I could puke! Maybe that's really why my stomach hurts? I'm going to this party (I've been talking about) tomorrow where some of my ex-boyfriends, all of them actually (only 2 >.<'') is coming as well. Luckily I'm not one of those girls who goes all crazy about that and HAS to look INCREDIBLE and sexy. I'm extremely nervous, yes, but I also know it's going to be great time because my 1st ex and I always talk like great friends when we get a little drink, despite of what's happened. AND ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS ARE COMING!!!! I haven't seen them for FAR too long so I really miss them and look forward to just chillin', talking, drinking and smoking :D I think the whole thing with friends is weird, no no I mean OLD friends. Because right now where I am, I have awesome friends, but there will always be something incredibly special about OLD friends, remember the good OLD times? ;)
I think that in the start of getting back together it's a bit weird, because all of you have changed but then when some time has passed it's like the good old days :D Omg. I'M LOOKING SO MUCH FORWARD TO IT!

Anyway, I've gotta do a math assignment for tomorrow :) cya l8er, xo Elk