Always someone better

There's something wrong with me. I haven't had good start to the year at all.
Last year I was so optimistic and I felt so happy, more happy than ever. But
this year I haven't felt good at all, I haven't happy or lucky or anything like
that. On the opposite I've felt down, depressed and angry. I have this problem,
I become jealous very easily on my boyfriends friends and just my friends or
other people in general. I found out that several of my friends enjoy writing as
much as I do. (Short stories etc) I became very jealous at first, but then I saw
the beauty of it. We could share. Then one of my friends went to writers school
for a week, and now she also had a tiny text published in a local newspaper. This kind of pissed me off because everyone around me were all like "OOH MY
GOOOOD THAT IS SO GOOD AND CRAZY AND YOU'RE SO AMAZING AND SOOO MUCH GOING TO BE
AN AWESOME WRITER" bla bla etc. My roommate apparantly has been to a writing
course this weekend meeting several writers including one who I reviwed a book
from. As an extra patch to the wound was that she JUST had to say "yeah she
remembered you". THANK YOU! Wipe it in my fucking nose, "I had an awesome time
without you and me and a toatlly awesome writer talked about you when you
weren't there when we had awesome time". JESUS! I just hate that everything I
love there's always someone else who loves it as well and who has to show that
they love it more than me and that they're better than me and that's also why I
just stop telling them what I love. I love painting, apparantly my roomie is
REALLY fucking good at painting and drawing and consideres art school. I love
photographing APPARANTLY a billion other people with their big fucking stupid
expensive cameras love that as well and they're SOOOO good at it I can just fuck
the hell home. I love riding my bike but APPARANTLY one third of my family are
toatlly crazy bike-riders who goes to France every year and sees the Tour de
France and ride the hills when the riders have ridden the hill. I love writing
and APPARANTLY ALL MY FUCKING OTHER FRIENDS ARE REALLY FUCKIGN GOOD AT THAT AS
WELL!!!! I love playing the sims as well but apparantly my friend Nicklas is
much better at that than me, on my own computer in my own room. No matter what,
there's just always someone who's better than me. It just bothers me.. A lot..
Soon someone might just sneak up behind me, read my blog and be all like "yeah I
have a much more interesting blog than you". Oh no wait, THAT ALREADY FUCKING
HAPPENED!!

- Elk